Disappearance
by Mr.Prince.LoveCook
Summary: When someone suddenly disappeared from your life all you ever need is to find them, even you have to spend all your time searching for them just to make you feel complete again. "I love you but I still want to be the Fuhrer." Rated T for Now. Rated M for Later. Royai
1. Tears and Trust

**Disappearance**

 _By: MrPrinceLoveCook / proudOtaku_

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Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood is a beautiful masterpiece made by Hiromu Arakawa. Obviously, the characters are not mine, only the idea of this story.

This is my first ever FMA fiction, I just really like the ship ROYAI so I opted myself to create a fiction concerning about them. I know that it is too late for me to create this fiction when FMA is already completed, but come on I really love Royai so let me be, let me share this fiction of mine.

 _Disappearance of Trust_

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 **CHAPTER ONE. TEARS AND TRUST**

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"Lieutenant?" Roy called, pushing the door to creak open as he stepped himself inside the dim room, into the storage room.

Yes, it was Roy Mustang, the Fire Alchemist, the hero of Ishval and the new appointed General of Amestris. Basically, it had been a year since he became the General and since he regained his sight by using the power of Philosopher Stone. It was also a year since he became the new Commanding Officer of the East City Headquarters.

Yes, it was one year ago since the late Fuhrer President King Bradley along with all the homunculus, the Ouroboros, finally defeated. It was all thanked to the Elric brothers, particularly to Edward Elric, and the united power of the Amestris Military.

It was a year since the Ishvalans finally reclaimed their beloved place the Ishval.

It was a year since Lieutenant General Grumman overthrown Bradley and became the new Fuhrer of Amestrian State Military.

Yes, Amestris was still in a unitary state, a parliamentary republic type of government, which the head of state was in the Commander-In-Chief of the military, who concentrated the ranks of head of state and head of government.

"I want to talk to you General, that's why I called you." Riza said, standing in front of the windows, facing her back to General Roy Mustang.

Roy scratched the back of his nape using his hand, "But I am really wondering why here? Why of all place here in this dusty dim room when we can talk inside my office." He was confusingly looking everywhere around the room with less interest.

"I want to talk to you in private, General." Riza replied. She was still looking outside the windows, not really bothering to look at him.

"Drop the formality Riza because we are alone." Roy said, taking his steps toward his lieutenant to drown her with his warm embrace, wrapping his arms around her waist so tightly. "You smell so good."

"Sir?"

"I said drop the formality when we are alone." Roy hushed, using his arms to pull her closer to him, deepening the tight embrace. He then started to plant kisses on her soft nape down to her neck.

"Roy…"

"Yes, yes… please call me by my name." Roy said, kept kissing her neck while his hands began moving to caress her body, her shoulders down to her bosoms, to her waist, abdomen and down to her thighs.

"Roy, stop it." Riza said, touching Roy's dirty hands to stop him.

"I want to feel you…" Roy said, kept on kissing and groping her. "Let me see your face."

"Is that an order coming from my superior?" Riza said, moving her head to look at him.

Roy chuckled nonchalantly, "Indeed, it is an order coming from your superior and coming from your boyfriend."

"Roy, listen I want to…" Riza said. Actually, she was about to say her words when she suddenly stopped in midair when Roy immediately caught her lips, kissing her full on her mouth.

Roy just unconsciously stole kiss on her but he incurred life imprisonment because he did not actually know if he would ever stop when he was never planning to stop. The truth was, he really wanted to kiss her, waiting for the right opportunity to be alone together just to kiss her until she could no longer breathe.

He kissed her. He kissed her and kissed her. He kissed her like he was dying of thirst.

Damn, he really tried not to bite her lips when she tasted so delicious and loving the way her lips felt because it so smooth, so soft like kissing the heaven.

Riza reciprocated his kiss, never felt hesitate to kiss him back, letting herself drown with every dainty kiss. Yes, she kissed him and she knew that she would regret it. But at this moment, she could not bring herself to care. She did not care at all. She was kissing him as she had never kissed him before and it was blissful oblivion, better than anything in this world. Somehow, against all reason, they were kissing so passionately. She closed her eyes, letting him dominated her as usual and the world around her faded, right now only her and his body mattered in this world.

Roy took her into his arms, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her so damn closer, using all his strength to be gentle and let his lips touched hers so lightly he could hardly felt it. He then tangled his hand in her hair, and the other cups her jaw. Riza felt his lips on hers but shockingly his lips felt so sweet, swollen and soft, and more like home every time.

His mouth seized hers, consuming her, devouring her and swallowing her. She could no longer control her body because she moved her body on his will, completely controlling her. Harder. Faster. He took her. He took everything in her, all of her, because she let him do it.

Mouth against mouth. Lips against lips. Tongue against tongue. Teeth against teeth. Saliva against saliva. Kissing so passionately without planning to break away from each other embrace. Smooching and smooching. Tongue over tongue. Kissing and kissing.

His passionate kiss was the kiss of a man who had waited years for the moment and feared that it would never come again, though they used to kiss every passing time when no one was around.

It was the kind of kiss that inspired stars to climb into the sky and light up the world. It was kind of kiss that it would stay inside their heads for the lifetime. It was the kind of kiss that made them forgot everything, particularly his rank and her rank. It was the kind of kiss that completed and satisfied each desire, lust, greed and thirst. It was the kind of kiss that made them aware of each other body, Roy for his erection and Riza for her wet.

It was the best kiss in the history of kisses. It was as sweet as sugar, was warm as the sun, and was enjoyable as sex. The whole world opened up and they fell inside. They did not know where they were, but they did not care. He did not care and she did not care because the only person who mattered was him for her and her for him.

They kissed like drowning each other breathe. It just like suddenly they had discovered something that had never been so sweet before that moment. They kissed until they forgot how terrified they felt of everything wrong with their lives.

Due to the anticipation and temptation, Roy moved his hands to feel her bosoms but she suddenly stopped him by pushing him forcedly away from her.

"Wha… what?" Roy stuttered. He was so damn shocked at the same time disappointed on her for pushing him away though the excitement, desire and lust kept building within him. In addition, his erection started shaping on his pants, bulging.

"Roy, I am pregnant!" Riza said, saying it not to completely stop him from touching her, groping her buttocks but she said it to tell him her big secret, the truth and the reason for calling him.

WHAT!

W

H

A

T

!

The look on her beautiful face showed her earnest and heartfelt sincerity, that she really meant it and she was not joking at all.

"Are you sure?" Roy asked immediately. His eyes enlarging so widely, his chest heaved rapidly and his muscles all over his body suddenly stopped from moving, astounding and astonishing.

It was so obvious that he was not happy at all. It could clearly see in his face and the way he talked.

I am pregnant

I am pregnant

I am pregnant

Those three words kept echoing continuously and repeatedly deep inside his head like a very painful buzz sound. It was like his own world suddenly stopped from moving when the word pregnant slipped on her mouth.

GULPING

SHAKING

TREMBLING

He could not really stop from gulping, completely swallowing everything inside his throat, shaking his vision and his body kept trembling.

"Yes." She was staring at him, her brown eyes locked on him, waiting for him to say his words.

"But how?" Roy asked. He looked at her with all the grievance and sorrow written all over his face.

"It is not how but when."

"When did you find out that you are pregnant?"

"I recently found out when I went to the nearest hospital, and the doctor confirmed that I am one month pregnant."

"Really?"

Riza nodded.

"How can he be sure?"

"Roy, he is a doctor."

"The doctor might be wrong… you know doctors are just human, who are prone to make a mistake because they are not perfect at all." Roy said. He was looking desperately for a reason not to believe in the idea of his lieutenant was pregnant.

"Roy, I even used pregnancy test."

"Pregnancy test is way worst because it is just a tool for prediction."

"It is been a month since my menstrual period." Riza said. She kept trying to calm down though it was so hard to do it.

"You are just too tired because lately we have so many works need to be done, that's why it really explains why you didn't have your menstruation."

"I know my body, Roy!"

"Then Riza, I am not ready… not ready…"

"Is that so?"

"I don't want to lie when I say… I don't want to be a father… I really hate the idea of being a father when I have so many ambitions in life, so many things need to do and so many things need to settle. The reason why I became a dog of military is to get closer to my dream, my dream of becoming the Fuhrer of this country. I am not yet a Fuhrer and it is only one step closer to became one. It is just only a one small step to get to that position. I don't want to stay as a foundation of this country to protect people. I want to rise above people and protect those below me with my acquired power and authority. If I become a Fuhrer I will make sure to protect those people below me, and so on until the entire nation ending up benefiting from my protection. Riza you know me, once I want something I will definitely work for it, even to sacrifice everything."

"So…"

"Fuhrer is the image of this country, the inspiration of all the Amestrian, and if suddenly they found out that you are pregnant though we are not marriage, and worst part is that no one knows that we are in a relationship, they only know is that you are my subordinate and I am your superior, it will affect my image, no… it will not just affect but it will definitely destroy my image. It will affect my dream of becoming a Fuhrer." Roy said, curving his hands into tight fists. "The reason I hide our relationship is to protect my image. As much as possible, I want my image as the hero of this country stays in the eyes of all Amestrian, and I will do anything to clean that image even to kill my own flesh."

WHAT?

"Don't tell me you are planning to abort this kid?" Riza asked. She was so shocked, her eyes could not leave him, her mouth started to tremble, and her whole body shook terribly. "Roy, you are not thinking at all!"

"Listen Riza, I am just doing it to protect everyone in this country."

"Protecting from whom? Ouroboros is no longer exists, along with the homunculus."

"Protecting them from those people who take them for granted."

"And what about this kid? It has also a right to live, to see this world, to eat, to play with the other kids, to love and being loved. It has a right to be protected too."

Roy just stopped, kept gripping his tight fists while detaching his eyes from her. 'I know… I want to protect it ... I badly want to protect it from me… from my stupidity.'

Damn, if only she knew how much he hated that idea of killing his own child. How much he felt so disgusted for thinking of doing it to an innocent child. How much he started to curse the hell out of him because he made this mistake but he was the one who tried to ignore it, trying to get away from it. How much he despised himself for making the woman he loved felt so sad. How much he loathed the look on her beautiful face.

"Please tell me you will not do it. You will not try to do anything that will harm this kid." Riza grieved, touching her belly in a way of showing him she would definitely fight for it.

"Yes, I will do it just to get the thing I want, and you know how much I want to become a Fuhrer. How much I work and fight for it, so you must follow my decision."

"Even to kill an innocent child?"

"It is not yet a child but it is just a blood, not yet form… so before it becomes too complicated and too late we must eliminate it."

"What's wrong with you!"

"Riza, it is only a blood compare to the Amestrian."

"You don't feel like hesitating, do you? Though this is your own child, your own blood?" Riza anguished. She just stood there, dominated by a profound sadness, depression engraved on her face. The sorrow grew more profound each time she spent in this dim room.

Roy cursed beneath him, cursing himself because he made her felt so sad. Damn, he really hated seeing her in her sadness because it was so freaking hurt. It really hurt. It hurt the hell out of him. It hurt him to death.

'Indeed, it is my child… my own child… it feels so horrible… so damn hurt to think that I am planning to kill my own child. Riza, if only you know what I feel, how it hurts me… because it pains me to death.' Roy thought, sobbing deep within him.

"This is your child, Roy!"

"I know!" Roy snapped. He did not actually mean to raise his voice at her. "I know it… I damn know it… but I want to be a Fuhrer… not a father."

"Then we will wait for you, me and this child, until you become a Fuhrer…"

"No Riza!"

"But Roy! I am begging you…" Riza pleaded, her tears started to fall from her beautiful eyes, begging and begging for him just for the sake of the child she was bearing.

Forsooth, she was with Roy in this moment but she felt like she was completely alone, scared and devastated. Her heart felt butchered, her love slowly taken away bit by bit. There was no longer could see that inquisitiveness, that desire, that fire in her eyes. All that remained was the deceiving hollow soul that reflected on her tears.

'Shit! I made her cry! I am really stupid!' Roy thought, cursing and cursing himself on his immorality and fiendishness. He really tried to force himself not to jump on her and hug her so tight, and he had controlled all his might not to leap so high just to kiss away her tears.

Words could not even begin to describe the agonizing pain he felt right at this moment. He could only do was to take his eyes off her and listened to her silent sobbed. "Please allow me to make a decision for this country sake, for that kid sake, and for our own sake."

"Your own stupid sake!"

Yes, she was right, for his stupid sake. But he must do it anyway.

"Why are you making it so damn hard Riza?" Roy blustered. He started to boil, boiling so hard not because she was acting this way but because he was acting this way, acting like a heartless murderer for trying to kill an innocent child and for making her cry, crying so grievously. 'Damn, you even ask the obvious.'

"Because it is involving an innocent child, my child!"

'Shit… damn shit!' Roy thought, cursing and cursing underneath his voice. "Yes, it is for my own sake, and you will support me because you opt to keep on following me even to the deepest pit of hell, right? So please, let me handle this situation."

"You told me, you always love me and I believe you… but why?" Riza wept, tears kept falling down on her cheeks.

Roy gripped hold of his hands to prevent himself from touching her. Oh god, he really hated seeing her tears because it was so hard for him. It hurt so bad, how he wished to hold her tight, never let her go but here he was standing next to her, too damn afraid to touch her. "I love you, and you know it."

"If you really love me… you will choose us… me and your child."

"Are you telling me to choose between you and being a Fuhrer?"

"Roy, you know how much I hate it… but you give me no choice."

"I love you but I still want to be the Fuhrer."

"You choose your position over us?"

"Yes, I am sorry."

Riza let her tears fell down continuously from her eyes, her lips kept quivering when she was crying. Her eyes became glacier under the sheen of water, constant, yet allowing the tears to flow without pause. In that moment, hearing him saying his sorry she finally understood the depth of pain that had been sitting below her skin.

Yes, she did expect him to choose his position over them, over her but it still hurt. Hurt was hurt, she could not measure these things. Her heart and her stomach and her whole insides felt empty and hollow and aching. She could clearly felt the measure of hell because it was the measure of love she felt for him. She had loved him for such a long time, she thought she knew him but she did not know him at all.

She trusted him, trusting him her father's dream because she thought she could trust him, that he was different because he was fighting for humanity, fighting for the right of those oppress. But she was shocked to find out that she was completely wrong because she did not know him at all because he could not even fight for the right of child, the right of a little child inside her body, his own child.

She knew that Roy already made up his mind, that no matter how much she tried to stop him and even begged, he would not listen so she needed to make her own decision too.

Riza lifted her hand wiping away her tears, then said, "If that's what you want I have no right to decline you. I will follow you no matter what, still following you to hell if you ask me to. I entrusted you my father dream, and this country's future. It is also because of you I lived again, so please keep on relying to me as your subordinate and your assistant, General Roy Mustang." She assured, placing her hand on her forehead, saluting him so professionally and sincerely. She was now smiling but sorrow was the new smile in her eyes, tears replaced the sunshine, and life was dark, for what seemed to be forever.

Roy breathed in too much relief because she finally agreed. He knew it was so disgusting to feel that way by feeling so damn relieve but if he totally welcomed the pain. It would completely killed him.

"Of course, after all you are my irreplaceable subordinate. The one I entrusted with my life as my personal assistant and bodyguard. Remember, I even gave you the express authority to shoot me in the back if I ever step off the righteous path." Roy smiled, like it was the best thing to do, like there was nothing really wrong but behind his smile there was a bitter sadness that no one could ever see and feel.

Sometimes he was somebody, somebody with an excessive pain and sadness because he was creating a decision that hurt her, but sometimes he was nobody, who did not seem to feel anything just to get the rank he was dreaming to have, and who existed just only for that ambition.

Riza pitched her gun immediately from her belt, pointing the gun right directly to Roy. "Should I shoot you because you step off the righteous path?" She did say it without any hesitation or ridiculousness. She was just simply serious, full of determination and resolution.

Roy gulped hardly. He knew that she really meant it, that she would definitely shoot him if he let her. 'She is being too serious… what should I do?' His sweat began falling for his forehead.

Riza suddenly cracked into laughter, laughing nonchalantly, while withdrawing her gun away from him. "Why too serious, Sir? Don't worry I am not yet planning to kill you, not now but until you become the Fuhrer." She tried to fake everything, her smile, her courage and her laughter when behind it all lain the hurt, the pain and the sorrow. Behind her mask lain her real situation that she was falling apart.

"You nearly killed the hell out of me, Riza." Roy sighed. He knew that she was serious for pointing the gun at him, serious enough to pull the trigger and kill him because he did deserve it. 'I deserve to be killed by her because I am going back as a murderer.' He knew that she was faking everything because no matter how much she tried to hide her tears, it was still obvious on her beautiful face, on her eyes.

Yes, she could perfectly hide her loneliness and sadness to everyone but not to him because he knew her. He knew everything about her more than anyone in this world but he just pretended that he did not know anything, pretending not to see the truth behind her smile and laughter.

It hurt to see her in that fake laughter, in that fake courage, and in that fake smile. It hurt so bad to see her fake side. He hated it.

"Your order sir?" Riza said. She was standing so gracefully like a sincere solder, waiting to the order of her superior. There was no tears remained on her eyes. The tears she cried already dried on her skin, just like the trust she had for him because it slowly faded.

"Lieutenant, I give you one month duration to perform your mission, and your mission starting today is to do anything just to get rid of that child. Please come back safe, don't do anything that will harm you."

"Yes Sir!" Riza saluted, springing immediately to face her back at him and saying, "I should get going now, General Mustang."

"Yes, please." Roy said, striking his forehead and heart like a man demented, with cry of anguish, curses and lamentations. Damn, he could not believe that he actually ordered her to kill their unborn child. He could not believe how heartless he was for ordering her when she was completely against it, against her heart and conscience.

Riza walked away from him, moving to leave him alone in that dim and lonely room but had stopped suddenly when she was about to open the door. "I forgot to ask you, if it is an order from my superior?"

Roy walked slowly to stand in front of the windows, looking outside. That certain place was where Riza originally stood. "Both, it is an order from your superior General Mustang and from your boyfriend Roy."

"Thank you for your sincere answer, Sir." Riza said, extending her hand to hold the doorknob to pull the door open, heading outside to leave him completely alone.

"I am sorry!" Roy whispered, whispering to the air wishing that it would reach her. The pain he felt was so overwhelming, wishing and praying to no particular god that she did not feel it.

He was deliriously angry because he turned into a man he would never wish to become. He was devastatingly destroyed from the inside because of the pain he felt, pain of making the woman he loved suffered, and pain of losing a child.

* * *

 **CONTINUED.**

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Disappearance of Love


	2. Guilt and Regret

**Disappearance**

 _By: MrPrinceLoveCook / proudOtaku_

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 _Disappearance of Trust_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWO. GUILT AND REGRET**

* * *

'Should I call her? Should I go and visit her? Should I do something? Should I stop her? Should I tell her to go back beside me and forget everything? What should I do? What should I do?' Roy thought.

These past few days General Roy Mustang spent almost all his time thinking and pondering hardly on what had happened few days ago about his immoral decision of killing or aborting his own child, but no matter how much he tried to cheer and comfort himself that he did the right decision he still felt so damn terrible because guilt and regret were too excessive and overwhelming to ignore. As a matter of fact, he started hating, loathing, cursing and despising himself for what he had done.

What had he done?

What the heck was wrong with him?

What the shitty hell was he thinking at that time?

SHIT!

"Oi General, would you stop pacing… I feel so damn dizzy watching you." Captain Jean Havoc snapped. He was annoyingly looking at his superior while he was seating on his chair.

Forsooth, it had been a couple of hours since Roy started pacing back and forth continuously and repeatedly inside their office, walking all around while thinking so damn long and hard without even bothering to know if it was distracting his subordinates, and now they were looking at him confusingly and annoyingly.

"Oh so you are watching?" Roy said, raising one of his eyebrows to show he did not care at all if they were watching him.

"Why don't you try to do what people normally do, like seating down calmly while thinking, not running all around like a maniac and completely disturbing our peacefulness." Havoc said.

"Shut up!" Roy just said. He finally sat himself down on the chair, trying all his might to forget about them, her and his unborn child, just for a few hours to calm his nerves.

"I want to remind you General Mustang that it is not the time for you to run back and forth when you have so many paper works need to do." Havoc informed, gazing at the table located in front of Roy, where there were so many papers scattered all over.

"That's my less priority for today." Roy replied, putting his feet loosely above the table, looking at the vast sky through the widely opened windows.

"See, they are waiting for your attention." Havoc added.

"I bet that if Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye found out that you are slacking again, you will definitely be sorry, General Mustang, sir." Second Lieutenant Kain Fuery said, completely waking up his superior from his day dreaming when he consciously mentioned her, Roy's lieutenant.

Why did this stupid Fuery even mention her name when Roy tried so hard to forget her because it just definitely made him go crazy, go damn insane due to his unbearable guilt and regret.

"That's right." Major Vato Falman agreed.

"Oh speaking of the hawk's eye, where is she?" Havoc said, looking at directly and specifically to his superior because he knew that Roy knew exactly where they could find her.

But disappointingly, Roy did not look at him because he was stuck on his own world like he did not even hear them at all. He was blinded and deafened by excessive guilt and regret.

"Yeah, it has been a week since I last saw her, when you know she had never been late in her work, or even worst being absent. It is not really her to suddenly leave work without informing us or without permission coming from her superior." Captain Heymans Breda stated, looking at to the empty chair of Lieutenant Colonel Riza Hawkeye.

"Oh yeah… I am also wondering." Falman added.

"Me too. I am beginning to worry for her." Fuery added.

"She should say something before she suddenly disappeared." Havoc added, kept dragging his cigarette long.

"I think, there was something suddenly happened to her that's why she didn't come here." Falman said.

"Something like what?" Fuery asked.

"Something like she suddenly got a flu." Falman replied.

"What a lame excuse." Havoc snorted.

"Or she was trapped in her apartment because she didn't pay her bill." Falman added.

"Are you stupid?" Havoc snapped.

"But even so, she should give us a call to inform us about her situation because we are not just her co-workers but we are her friends." Breda said.

"Yes, yes." Fuery agreed.

"She should get a permission to her supervisor before she finally took her leave." Havoc said.

"Should we call her to find out her reason?" Breda suggested.

"No to worry because she is fine… I could not guarantee it but I know she is fine." Roy said. He was staring at the blue sky through the widely opened windows, without even looking at his subordinates.

'He is not sure at all if Lieutenant Colonel Riza is fine.' Fuery thought.

'So, she is not fine at all.' Falman thought.

"I may not tell you but I already granted her a permission to leave the office to execute her mission." Roy added.

"Mission?" Havoc, Fuery, Falman and Breda simultaneously said.

"Really a mission?" Havoc said confusingly.

"What mission?" Breda acquired.

"What kind of mission?" Falman asked.

"Did she went together with her dog, Black Hayate?" Fuery asked. He was kind of out of topic when he asked about the dog instead of his fellow.

"Yes, it is a mission that exclusively for her." Roy said. His facial expression suddenly began unveiling the sorrowful, depression, miserable, mournful, dejected and most of all regretful feelings he had these couple of days. Damn, he really felt so terrible every time the thought of killing his child and ordering Riza to do it suddenly hit his head.

The physical feeling of unbounded guilt hit him fast when he finally accepted that he did the terrible thing without really considering the outcomes. He felt like his chest and inside his head being slowly melt away. The heat at his eyes grew faster and within seconds after, his chest felt like dropping temperature and cold and empty, sucking him from within. He really tried to withstand the guilt by breathing so fast, exhaling and inhaling, to calm everything in him such as his nerves, his muscles, his heart beat, but he definitely failed to do it because guilt was so damn powerful to easily defeat him, overthrowing him to the pit of dreadfulness. It was just one corrosive feeling, a way to self-punishment by kept on torturing himself with the torrent of guilt. That was when it became his worse enemy because it ruined everything in him particularly his way of thinking.

He felt like his ribs were tightly bounded around his stomach. He was not exactly suffocating, but he felt like he was on the verge like an invisible hands gripped his neck to choke him. At the same time, it felt like he had been punched right on his abdomen and gonad simultaneously by no particular person so he had no one to blame but only himself.

He did not really get angry because he felt like it was a good choice but he still felt so regretful that if he could have the power to change what was in the past, he would definitely change everything. He would choose both, his rank and them. Damn, how could he possibly return back to being a murderer, not murdering the Ishvalans but this time murdering his own child, his own blood.

He was still in the pain, damn so hurt, damn so devastated. He felt like he was in the seven hell, kept tormenting by the pain of guilt and regret.

He wanted to relax, to forget everything but it was so damn hard and hurt because he found himself continually reminding him of everything that he had done. He felt like he had always hear a little voice in his head berating him. The more he relaxed the more he felt like he could get an oxygen, so he tried to make himself as tiny and as limp as possible. Everything he did to try to help his situation gave him shooting pains from his abdomen. Why it was so damn hurt? In fact, he felt like crying. He wanted to sob, hard, loud, but he could not, and like hell he would, because he was too tightly bound, and too busy trying to look cool and okay in front of everyone.

Yes, it was so easy for him to display that he was fine, that everything was alright, no pain and no guilt at all but deep within he could not really hide the devastating feelings he felt. His guilt was extremely overwhelming, so damn uncomfortable to the point that it made him became so paranoid.

"Mission that exclusively for her? Are you kidding?" Havoc said, raising one of his eyebrows to indicate he was still confused.

"Yes. I am not kidding at all." Roy just said. The sensation of guilt was heavy, weighty feeling, as if he was carrying around a burden.

"That's the first time I have ever heard that kind of mission." Breda said.

"Is it a personal mission or a private mission?" Fuery asked.

"Both. A personal and private mission." Roy replied. He did not feel to joke around or to explain himself by saying more words because he felt so heavy deep within him.

"Oh." Fuery, Breda, and Falman said simultaneously.

"What mission is it?" Fuery asked, due to his curiosity.

"I said, it is a private and personal mission so quit asking, Second Lieutenant Fuery." Roy snapped.

"Oh sorry. I am just too curious." Fuery said.

"Curiosity is suck you know, the more you become too curious the more you become too stupid." Roy chided.

"How long that mission will take?" Havoc said, changing the current topic about curiosity because he felt so damn bored listening to them, and it would just create fire to the already burned fuel.

"Right." Falman said, too eager to follow Havoc lead.

"It will take one month." Roy said, placing back his attention to the vast sky again, unconsciously counting the clouds on his mind.

"ONE MONTH?" Fuery, Breda, Falman, and Havoc cried simultaneously.

"Why so long?" Breda said.

"That's right." Falman agreed.

"The duration is one month, one whole month, so don't ask any further and don't try to repeat my words." Roy snapped.

"Oh." Fuery, Breda, and Falman said simultaneously again. They were actually aware of their superior new personality. Well, it was not really new to them because Roy used to act this way, being so easily got angry, spacing out, out of this world but on his own world, thinking and thinking every second, and hard to talk with, when he had a big problem, or when he was mourning. As a matter of fact, he became exactly like this when his best friend Maes Hughes died.

Was he mourning?

Who was he mourning?

Who died by the way?

"Oh, so I bet it is really a hard mission." Havoc said.

"So damn hard… devastating and freaking hurt." Roy unconsciously muttered.

"You want to talk about your problem, sir?" Fuery asked.

WHAT?

W

H

A

T

?

PROBLEM?

Had he have a problem?

Roy swiftly moved his head to look at his subordinate Fuery. His eyes began enlarging, absolutely taking aback, astounding and astonishing because Fuery hit the target, particularly hitting him straight. "Wha… what?"

"We should talk about your problem, sir." Fuery said again.

"How could you say that I have a problem?" Roy blustered.

"Well General Mustang, it is so damn obvious." Breda said.

"What obvious?" Roy snapped.

"It is so obvious that you have a big problem based on your actions such as being too lazy to talk, easily got annoy, being preoccupied by thoughts that's why you have forgotten to flirt with your girlfriends on the phone, and you are always looking at the horizon unconsciously while you are engulfing by your own world." Breda replied.

"Am I that too obvious?" Roy asked.

"Too damn obvious." Havoc replied.

"Well, you are acting so different and it is not really like you, General Mustang." Falman added.

"Usually when Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye was not around you are always on the phone bragging and talking to your different women whole day long." Havoc said.

"Yes. Yes." Falman agreed, nodding incessantly.

"What the heck!" Roy snorted.

"Just brag already your problem, General Mustang." Havoc said.

"We can help you if you want." Breda added.

"After all we are your sincere subordinates." Fuery added, with his full determination.

'No one can help me… no one!' Roy thought. "I am just too tired, that's all."

"You are lying, I know you General." Havoc snapped.

Falman and Fuery nodded.

"Seriously you guys are too persistent." Roy hissed.

"We are just worried for you." Breda said.

"This is becoming too lame, too stupid… just don't mind me… go back to your work." Roy said, touching his forehead when headache struck him again.

"Are you sure, sir?" Fuery asked.

"Yes, yes… I am fucking sure." Roy said, dismissing them using his gestures.

"Then General Mustang, if you want to talk with us you are free to call us." Falman assured.

"Yes. I am willing to listen, sir." Fuery added.

"I know… I know." Roy said wearily, kept waving his right hand to dismiss them and using his other hand to cup his face.

"Then if that's the case what about we eat? You know it's lunch time already." Breda said, standing on his chair to exercise his muscles.

"That's a good idea, I am really hungry." Falman said.

"Yeah. Me too." Havoc said, tossing the stub of his cigarette on the garbage bin.

"Let's go, let's go." Fuery cheered.

They were all readily to go outside to eat their lunch in the canteen but they instantly being cut off when they had realized that their superior did not move at all. He just sat there on his chair, wearing his dreadful and sorrowful look on his face while he kept on staring at the horizon, stuck on his own world again, thinking.

"Again?" Havoc said.

"What's wrong with him?" Breda whispered.

"He didn't even tell us his problem, so obviously none of us know his problem." Falman whispered.

"He has been like that since last week when Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye didn't show up." Fuery whispered.

"What should we do?" Falman asked, in a way of whisper. "Should we stay here and comfort him?"

"Oi, are you stupid?" Breda snapped.

"You guys better go, I will stay and talk to him." Havoc said, clicking his lighter to lit another cigarette.

"Are you sure though he doesn't feel like confessing his problem?" Breda said.

"Yeah, so you should go now." Havoc dismissed.

"If that's what you want then… good luck." Falman said.

"Just comfort him Captain Jean Havoc!" Fuery cheered.

"Now go!" Havoc sorted.

"Yeah. Don't worry we will pack your lunch." Breda said, waving his hand to indicate he would never hesitate to leave them.

"You better get me some delicious food." Havoc threatened.

Roy felt like his guilt was an endless cycle because he felt so fine and content for a while but then suddenly he started to feel so bad, frightening and mourning for too much guilt. He wanted to talk to his subordinates just to isolate himself from guilt and to feel at ease in just a minute but it was still useless because the actual process of guilt was emotionally consuming him, making him pay for a devastating payment. Until it all led to obsessive thoughts about how disgusting, immoral, stupid, and selfish he was.

He even seldom ate his meal, lacking of sleep because he was suffering from insomnia and hypersomnia, completely forgot his works, and smoke more.

He thought he did the right choice but he was absolutely wrong. It was all wrong. It was all bullshit. This was really a big karma for wanting more, more authority, more power and more ambitions.

Roy's thought was promptly interrupted when someone pulled the chair in front of him and loosely sat himself.

"You want?" Havoc said, offering his pack of cigarettes to Roy.

"I thought you take your lunch." Roy said, taking a cigarette offered by Havoc.

"I am on diet." Havoc said, extending his hand to lit his superior's cigarette.

"Seriously, why the hell are you still here?" Roy blustered.

"Well, I just feel like smoking… smoking with you." Havoc said, creating his stupid reason just to hide the fact that he chose to stay just to talk to him, to comfort him.

"What a nasty reason you got there." Roy said.

SILENCE

S

I

L

E

N

C

E

IT TOOK A COUPLE OF MINUTES FOR THE LONG SILENCE.

Roy and Havoc did not actually talk and never even bother to ask each other because they were both absorbed by their own thoughts. In fact, all they did was to drag their cigarettes long and hard, kept on inhaling and filling their lungs with the bliss of smoke from their cigarettes just to satisfy the arrival of complete silence.

Pack and pack of empty cigarettes along with countless stubs scattered throughout the table and the room was filled with smoke.

'I chose to stay here to talk with him as much as possible to comfort him but… I didn't even know how to start a conversation.' Havoc thought. 'Shit, should we talk about his new girlfriend, the woman named Christina? Well, I just saw them two weeks ago. Should we talk about his paper works that still on his table? Should we talk about his Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye because only her can easily cheer him up, can turn his mouth into a smile… but I think, it will be a very bad idea because every time we talk about her those mournful expression of him keep popping up on his face.'

"Why did you suddenly decide to do it?" Roy asked, asking so suddenly and out of the blue, making Havoc gasped.

"What?" Havoc said.

"Havoc, I thought you devoted yourself to many women, like you would never be contented or satisfied with only one woman, after breaking up with one you immediately fly with another… but why did you suddenly decide to marry Rebecca? Was it because she is pregnant?"

Havoc's jaw dropped down long, not really aware of his superior question about his life when he was too busy thinking about how to comfort him. "Well, I am regretting it because I still want to date beautiful, sexy, and big bosoms women."

"Will you take it seriously?" Roy chided.

"But I am serious. I want to live a life full of beautiful women. I want to date them, talk to them and flirt with them all day and all night long."

"Stupid!"

"Okay, okay General Mustang. I will seriously answer your question."

"Then go ahead."

"Actually, I already planned to marry her long time ago when we started dating. It is not because I suddenly planted my own seed on her but because I saw her not just some another woman who just passed by but I saw her as she was my own future, and my own half."

"What about those women you had dated before and after her?"

"Don't be stupid General, like you didn't even know when you, yourself, is a big playboy."

"I am still a single not just like you, a married man." Roy said. 'I am actually in a secret relationship… but Jean we are not the same, it is only because you already married your woman… and I haven't yet marry mine. We might be the same because we both saw our future to our woman, and I might know your answer… but I still want to clarify something.'

"Yeah, yeah… still pretending that you are a total bachelor when actually not."

"What do you mean?"

"General, you might not see me but I frequently saw you with your lieutenant doing your scenes such as kissing on the office when no one was around, nibbling on the hallway when no one passed by, and many more mind-blowing scenes of smacking your body against her. You are such a jerk."

"We are just kissing and hugging, don't make it too exaggerate because as far as I remember we didn't really go too far by means of sex. We just do it inside our safest haven, not here on this building or outside our place, though I admit that I tried so hard to force her but she easily defeated me."

Havoc laughed so loud. "I couldn't really imagine that General Roy Mustang was forcing a woman to have sex with him when every single woman in this country is in love with him because he is a hero, a savior, and one of the famous bachelor."

"Would you just answer my question."

"You already know the answer right General Mustang because you feel the same." Havoc said, blowing his smoke out from his lungs. "Every woman I dated are all beautiful decorations just to make my life more interesting, more attractiveness, more challenging and more fun. But Rebecca is the beauteous of all that decorations because I couldn't really take my eyes off her, so I chose her and took her home."

"Is it not because she is pregnant?"

"Have you even try to listen, huh?" Havoc said. "Listen, my child is just another reasons why I married her. Yes, I want to be a great military officer of Amestris, to keep following you, but I still want to create my own family, so my child is my first step to create it."

Roy unconsciously gripped his hand into a tight fist. Damn, this conversation was getting on his nerves about creating a family, about being a parent, and about a child when he already decided to abandon the possibility of being a father by ordering Riza to abort it, his own child.

"You know, I am so damn happy when I found out that Rebecca is pregnant, that she is bearing my own child, and I will be a father." Havoc bragged, curving his mouth into a broad grin.

Roy took his eyes off him, shifting his attention back to the sky again, thinking if he felt the same when he had found out that Riza was pregnant and he would be a father, and yes, he felt the same. He felt so damn happy but the dreadful and frightening feelings of losing his dream was so overwhelming, that was why he did not hesitate to get rid of his child just to pursue what he wanted in life.

Yes, he felt happy when the thought of him being a father and his lieutenant being a mother popped to his brain. He loved the idea of creating a happy family together with her, and they would definitely be a good parent to their child.

But he suddenly did the wrong thing, and he regretted it.

"Actually, I still feel so sad and so disappointed because being a father will change everything in me. I will absolutely leave my life as a bachelor, as someone who loves to hangout with different women, and then I will start sharing my life to my family because my life is not anymore belong to me but for them too, and there will be a big responsibility ahead of me. But the overwhelming happiness of having a child was too powerful to take all the risks."

'Shit!' Roy cursed.

Why now?

Why regretting now when he knew that it was too late because it was already one week to stop Riza from aborting his baby. It was too late for him to prevent the abortionist from taking away his child life, and it was all his fault.

His fault for being too greedy, for being too selfish, and for being too ambitious.

"I badly want to see my child, as soon as possible, my young boy." Havoc sang.

"Boy?" Roy asked. He felt suffocating like someone suddenly choke the air out of him by kept on listening to Havoc about his child.

"Yes, we finally found out that my child is a boy. Damnit General, I am so proud and excited. You know, Rebecca is five months pregnant, four months to go."

'Damn. Damn. Damn. I want to know the gender of my child too. I want my child to call me his… her father. I want to be a husband to Riza… but I couldn't do it. I need to wait.' Roy thought. If only he knew that this would be freaking hard, so devastatingly hurt, physically, mentally, and emotionally, so hurt to hell he would never even try to think of commanding Riza to abort his child. He would definitely accept it, to support it, to love it, to protect it, and to fight for it, but it was too late, too late to save his child, too late to show how much he loved it, his child.

"You know what, we already bought his clothes, his toys and everything. I just want to pamper my boy with everything he wants."

'I want to give my child everything… everything in me… along with my name.'

"You don't know how happy I am right now. I become too damn excited every time I talk about my boy."

'Stop it!' Roy thought, begging Havoc to stop deep within him. He wanted to scream at him and tell him to show an ounce of sensitivity because he just lost his child. But he knew he could not do that. He knew it was not his fault because Havoc was just happy, and Havoc did not mean to offend him when he did not know anything about Roy's child.

Roy found himself sinking into the depths of despair and regret.

"I am wondering what he will look like. I bet he will look exactly like me. Damn, I hope so."

'Please stop it!' Roy begged. He was acutely aware of losing something but he did not feel like losing a son or daughter. He felt more like the loss of hope, happiness, love, optimism and excitement for the future.

"I am really excited to hear him call me his daddy, calling me daddy, papa, or dada… how cute!"

'It hurt. It's freaking so damn hurt.' Roy grieved. It was so damn hard to describe what he felt right now. It was mix feelings of dread, hurt, mourning, suffering, pain, guilt and regret. He felt so horrible knowing Havoc would be oohing and aahing and full of joy when his child born, while him, he was just looking at the black emptiness of his world, full of endless regret.

"I really hate those people who just decided to kill their child using abortion when children are our own beautiful gift. They are all angel."

"SHUT UP!" Roy huffed, screaming so damn loud and it was definitely making Havoc stopped from telling about his son.

Havoc was so shock, stopping in midair as he was staring confusingly to Roy. "Wha… what's wrong, General?"

"I am really sorry Captain Havoc. I didn't mean to scream at you… it just… it just… I need to do something, no… I need to stop someone, so I better need to leave you right now." Roy said, standing on his chair then right away he left, leaving Havoc alone while he was still gapping so long.

"What just happen?" Havoc uttered, still gapping with all his mouth.

* * *

 **CONTINUED.**

* * *

Disappearance of Love


	3. Tremble and Fear

**Disappearance**

 _By: MrPrinceLoveCook / proudOtaku_

* * *

 _Disappearance of Love_

* * *

 **CHAPTER THREE. TREMBLE AND FEAR**

* * *

'Please hear me! Hear me out! Hear my prayer whoever gods in the heaven or anywhere in this world. I don't care if you are true or not, or if you live in heaven or even in fucking hell… but please, just please… please… hear me, don't let Riza do it, just stop her. Don't let anyone touch her or worst touch my child. Don't let my child go… just please don't let anything happen to my child. I want my child… my little child.' Roy prayed with all his might, as he was breathlessly walking on the hallway.

He had just left his office with only one thought on his mind, and that was to search and to stop his Lieutenant Colonel Riza Hawkeye from completely performing her mission, a mission of aborting the child she was bearing. He needed to stop her not just to save his child but to save her love for him.

Sleeping was really hard to obtain when he had actually commanded his Lieutenant to get rid of her child, his own child. Many frightening thoughts kept bombarding his head until he could no longer sleep at all. He could not sleep anymore. No sleep at all even in just a second. Insomnia and paranoia became his new companions every single fucking night.

He knew what he had done was definitely wrong, and he was devastatingly regretting it.

Yes, without doubt that he felt so emotional when he had found out that Riza was bearing his child, numerous or mix emotions suddenly exploded right on his chest. They were so damn overwhelming and so powerful that became so unbearable, paralyzing his sense not to feel and wracking his brain not to think.

Creating a child or being a father when he was just the General not the Fuhrer was out of the plan, was definitely out of his mind. Well yes, he wanted to create his own child or be a father in the near future, but not now, not fuckingly now, not on this moment, not on this year, and not on his position.

Damn, his name had finally recognized by almost all of the people in this country, not just the hero of the Ishval Civil War, or not just a dog of military but as the hero of Amestris itself, and the next in line to seat on the throne of Fuhrer.

BUT

B

U

T

What if someone or worst the military found out about him having an illegitimate child? Then they would also simultaneously found out that Riza, his subordinate and also his faithful assistant, was the mother. Shit, of course, they would assume or suspect instantly that he forced her to have sex with him by using his position as her superior. It would automatically be spread to the entire country, to all over the globe, until it would go viral, an undying uproar news to everyone, particularly to all Amestrian. Fuck, it would be all over! His image, name and reputation that he tried so damn bloody hard to gain would be over! His contributions and works would be in a great vain! His ambition he wished so hard would be dead! His life would definitely be over! Everything would be over!

In short, he would be over!

An unwanted child would completely destroy them all.

It would destroy his dream of becoming Fuhrer, destroying him whole.

Scary.

Oh so scary.

Trembling.

Shaking.

Scared.

Damn, thinking about the outcome scared the hell out of him. He freaking hated to think about it.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

What was wrong with him?

He created this so he needed to fucking fix this without cannibalizing his head.

He hated the fact that he put himself in a position to be let down in the first place, in a position that hard to believe and had never even crossed on his head, in a position that had no other option rather than to choose between his dream and his own blood.

Damn, he used to be a great planner. He had already planned everything, about the flows of his existence, such as gaining everyone love and trust just to get the title he was always craving, and if hopefully he triumphantly became the Fuhrer he would clean everything in Amestris from the very tiny trash that only the naked eye could see until those huge one. But the plan of getting married was not yet reached his thought, how much more creating a child?

That bullshit!

But… wait?

WAIT?

W

A

I

T

?

WAIT?

Why the rush?

What the heck was he doing right now?

Why was he still looking for her?

Why was he trying to stop her if he did not want a child in the first place?

BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT.

He did not even know, not even understand. He was uncertained. He felt so damn uncertain to everything. His decisions. His wants. His ambitions. Everything. Fuck, he felt like he was not being himself at all, like he became a totally different person that this General Roy Mustang was just a replica or a weaker version of himself.

But when the shock and the terror dissipated, he could not really understand the emotion he felt. It was so overwhelming, so good, so bless, so sanctifying, and so blissful. Unexpectedly, behind the mask of uncertainties lain the feelings of joy, and excitement verging on elation. Ever since he was a teenager, still on the training, he had wanted to be a father. He had no father, no image of a great father, who would raise, support, accept, love, shelter, help and be proud of him. So he wanted to be that certain image of a father to his child, or children. He did not want his child to be like him, a loner, alone, as he became adult.

In his life, he focused on his career as the dog of Military, gaining more names to himself just to be recognized, just to be the next Fuhrer. Simultaneously, he even enjoyed his single life, being one of the famous bachelor, being the most wanted manwhore. It took him a long time to grow up and realized what was really the important in life, aside from becoming the Fuhrer.

But as the years marched by, he started to think he was growing up. He began to confront the reality that he might never become a father. Now that he had found out that there would be a big chance that he would be a father. He would take that opportunity and grab it so tightly.

Yes, there was no doubt that it would definitely destroy him but so far, he did not think to care at all. It would just whack his head.

So forget about the outcome and go to the flow for a while.

If there was a problem then there would be a solution. He would find a solution to handle both being a father and the Fuhrer.

Yes. That was right.

He would love the idea of being a father to the child of the woman he ever loved.

Yeah, raising a child was going to be hard, so freakingly hard. But not impossible. Fuck hell, people had been raising kids since the earliest forms of human race. What made him so special that he could not?

He did felt scared, anxious, frightening, uncertain and excited. But what he really felt above all else was the strength behind the motivation that impending fatherhood brought,

There was absolutely nothing more important than raising a child with the woman he loved. Their relationship was absolutely different from any of his previous relationships, temporary or casual. In the past, he had been drawn to high-risk, roller-coaster, frustrating, boredom, just-for-fun affairs or women who were just interested in his money, position or physical assets, specifically his body.

His Lieutenant was worth the risk, worth of everything. She was a goddess in the form of stunningly beautiful human. She was amazing, dominant and bossy in a good way, funny, mature, and she loved him. Yes, he admitted that it took him so much adjusting because he was so used to being with egotistical harlots who were too busy gold-digging or loving themselves to love anyone else.

Roy felt so lucky to have found her. She was living proof that beauty had nothing to do with appearances. Well, don't get him wrong, his Riza was damn so beautiful in and out. She was perfect, her loving personality and her delicious appearance, her body and curves. She was a great evidence that goddess was real in this world. It simply showed in the way her beauty shone from inside and out, the way her eyes danced when she laughed even though deep her soul was crying, the way she stood in the center of ruined place Ishval where death bodies were scattered around her, even though her heart was brutally broken and craving for the warm embrace that could heal her, she still managed to walk innocently like a goddess in disguise. Every time she fell, she picked herself up, brushed off the dirt, moreover crushing the demons that tried to strangle her identity. She stayed awake even at the darkest of twilight, solacing herself for the people who blatantly left her in agony for whom she had decorated the world.

BUT

HELL!

Where he could find her?

He did not actually know where to start, where to begin looking for her, his precious girlfriend, when he had no any tiny idea where to find her.

To her place?

Fuck! Where the hell that place was he referring?

To her apartment?

Yeah right. Apartment his ass. When she had already left it a year ago when they, her and Roy, decided to live together, to share Roy's apartment together as their greatest haven, and sweetest place called home. So obviously, that was not the place to start searching for her.

To hospital?

Was it a right thing to put the hospital in his choices of place? Because, damn, he did not even know if hospital was the right place for abortion.

Was it in a certain hospital or a private clinic specifically for abortion?

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

He did not really know where to start when he had even no choices of place to start. Where the fuck was the right place to start? He had no fucking idea. All he knew was to get in his car immediately, to start the engine and seek for her in every place of this country, in every private and public hospital in this country. Even it took him forever to look, he did not care at all, as long as he could find her, to save her and their child, and of course saving her from her hatred toward him.

He damn knew that after this nightmare, particularly after she had performed her abortion, oh god let not that thing happened, just please don't let it happen, that the love they felt toward each other would no longer be the same. Yes, it would definitely change, it would lessen or even fade, but he could guarantee that it would not be on his side because no matter what happened, abort or not abort, he would love her like forever. She would stay as the woman he had ever loved. The woman of his life, of his dream, and of his fantasy. Actually, he could not imagine to love someone as he had loved her.

Yes, he was dating so many women daily, as in almost every day, fucking them every night when Riza was not around, like she was on a night tasks, but come on, those women were all for fun, for decoration just like what Captain Havoc said, or for enjoyment, enjoying his life as one of the famous bachelor in this country, actually as a manwhore himself. But no matter how many of women he had kissed or even fucked, he would still prefer to come back home to the sweetest scent and warmest arms of his woman, the woman of his widest dream, the perfect woman of his life, his beautiful lieutenant. Nothing could ever be compared to her. She was way too perfect to be real, to be in reach, and to be in his arm.

He was in an absolute luck to have her. She was way too perfect for a defective or even ruin man just like him. But god, even he did not deserve her, he could not even bear to say it out loud because he was still aiming to deserve her. She was not just a faithful subordinate but so damn faithful lover. She was so dominant, so bossy when it came to work but so submissive when it came to their bedroom.

He needed her, fucking needing someone too perfect like her in his life, not just to correct him of his wrongdoings but to love him, and to love her in return.

Yes, he knew how much she loved him because he did not even see it but felt it too deep in his heart. Damn, he could not bear to find out that her love would slowly dying.

Fuuuuuuuck!

'Stop thinking! You fucking better to look for her before it becomes too damn late!' Roy thought, fishing his car key in his pocket.

Yeah right, even though he tried his might so damn hard to keep on convincing himself that it was not yet too late, but reality struck him like a bullet on fire that it was already too late, too fucking damn late to stop her, or to save her and his child. He knew it, damn knew it too well because it was so obvious. It was already a week since she left. What did you expect? The abortion thing was a mission coming from him as his lieutenant's superior, so as much as possible she needed to execute it, pronto without hesitation, quickly without so much delay.

Fuckingly speaking, one week was so damn too long to perform her abortion.

A devastated week for her to do her mission, exclusively for her.

A damn whole week for the fucking abortionist to get his child out of her womb.

That was why he felt so damn disappointed. His sudden disappointment of a hope left a scar which he started losing hope in everything.

When he was about to take his step outside the headquarter, on the way to his car, a ridiculous face suddenly took appearance right on his sight. It was the face of one of his subordinates.

"Oh there you are, General." Major Vato Falman said, jogging beside his superior Roy.

But Roy did not even bothered to look at him. He was way too preoccupied by thoughts, thinking and tracking his lieutenant's exact location inside his head.

"I am about to call you…" Vato added. "Wait… where is captain Havoc? I thought he was with you…"

Roy finally got near beside his car, placing his key on the door when Vato talked again.

"Oi wait… wait… General Mustang, where are you going?" Vato asked confusingly, enlarging his eyes.

"You know what Major Falman, why don't you get the hell out of my sight and leave?" Roy hissed.

"But where are you going?"

"Why do you even care? Just leave!"

"I think… I shall not leave you alone when you obviously have problem. Why don't we try to solve your problem first before I leave, what about that General?"

"I think, you need to mind your own business. What about that Major Falman? And I tell you this, let me fucking handle my own fucking problem!" Roy annoyed, inserting the key to unlock the door then jumped immediately inside to start kicking up the engine.

"General…"

"Before you start nagging, let me remind you Major Falman that you are not my mother to nag at me. I am so damn sick and tired of that bullshit nagging things."

"But…"

"No buts… I better need to leave, Major." Roy snarled.

But Vato stopped Roy so damn instantly from leaving when he had said. "Well, I thought you want to know that Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye is already here…"

Roy quickly swift his whole attention back to Vato, looking at him with all his astonishment. Reshaping his eyes into a plate shape size, parting his mouth so damn long like it was a gapping cave and shaking his body like a rotten tree.

Actually, he was trembling so hard. Shivering and shuddering. He was so frightening, scared to death, to hear anything from her.

Oh no!

Oh god!

What the hell!

A minutes ago he was too paranoid to look for her but now that he finally knew where she was, he became so damn scared.

"General? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Vato said worriedly, putting his hand on Roy's shoulder. "You are shaking so terribly, General."

Realization shot him right on his head like an arrow when he gazed down to look at his hands and body that kept trembling too damn terribly. Yes, he was really shaking.

WHAT THE HELL?

What was the fucking hell wrong with him? He was not like this scary before, like a bullshit coward, a fucking scaredy cat.

Yes, he already faced so many death threats or even in the death rows situation before. Being actually died after meeting so many freaking enemies, the homunculus, or the Ourobolos, or even their father or god itself and he was not being this kind of scared. As a matter of fact, he was immediately regained and managed to remain calm no matter what the situation. But not now, he was so damn scared.

Yes, without doubt, this kind of feeling was not actually unfamiliar with him because he felt it before, and until now the fear still creeping deep within him, and managing to manipulate him. It was when his beautiful Lieutenant was nearly being murdered right in front of him. The bastard suck face old man, who trained the former Fuhrer King Bradley, stabbed her to death.

FUCK!

The image of that devastated scene still fresh inside his head. That was his deadliest nightmare.

And his deadliest regret was to make her cry few days ago, specifically one week ago.

"Why did you even say it immediately?" Roy fumed, withdrawing the key to stop the engine from rolling.

"Well… I really try to tell you… as a matter of fact, she was the one who told me to call you."

"Where is she?" Roy asked, shutting his car to fully death. The engine from barking and the door from unlocking, locking it wholly.

"She is in the canteen together with Second lieutenant Fuery and Captain Breda. She wanted to say…" Vato said.

But before Vato could finish his next words Roy just passed him by, completely leaving him behind, leaving him gapping.

"… that her mission is accomplished…" Vato finished. "Damn, he totally left me without hearing me out." He then scratched his neck.

Roy did not even expect that heading towards the canteen required so much effort, strength and control, when it was just a few steps long. Forsooth, he worked so many damn effort to move his body, especially his lower body when fear started to shudder him again. He used all his strength to overcome his weakness for being so fucking coward. And it took him so much control not to breakdown.

When he stood inside the vast canteen, where almost all his fellow soldiers were located, obviously because it was a lunch hour, his eyes immediately wandered around to search for his Lieutenant.

In the East City Headquarters, the canteen was one of the biggest and liveliest place. Just like any ordinary headquarters canteen, there were enough tables and chairs for all the soldiers to sit and enjoy their time. As given in military terms that canteen was not originally a piece of equipment because it referred to a place where it provided refreshments and entertainment.

Soldiers could go there anytime they wanted, such as during their freetime, breaktime, lunchtime, meet their fellows for a meeting, or just having fun while of course eating.

Scanning every faces around, more particularly those blond hair women in their military suits. Roy had finally located his subordinates, particularly his beautiful Lieutenant. He consciously ignored those soldiers whose even took their time just to stand and place their hands on their foreheads just to salute him in a way of greetings and respects. He was just kept on strolling across the vast canteen toward them.

"Oh there you are General Mustang, Sir." Second lieutenant Kain Fuery recognized, raising from his chair together with his companions just to greet and salute their General.

Standing beside Fuery was Lieutenant Colonel Riza Hawkeye, who also saluted her gasping superior but she just lowered her gaze, never even bothered to look and see him.

Roy immediately placed his right hand on his forehead to reply them, permitting them to continue doing their business and just eat.

"I thought you already left the headquarter few minutes ago to do something, but why are you still here?" Captain Jean Havoc said, raising one of his eyebrows.

"Where's Major Falman?" Captain Heymans Breda asked.

Riza just continued eating her meal like there was nothing really wrong, that everything was perfectly fine.

Roy, on the other hand, just stood there right in front of her, completely ignoring his surroundings particularly his subordinates' fucking questions. All of his attention and eyes were focused only to the woman who sat gracefully in front of him. He could not take his eyes away from her, even in just a second, kept on inspecting and examining her hurriedly, worriedly and thoroughly, looking for a signs of any harm.

Did she harm herself?

Did she hurt herself?

Was she okay?

Was she feel so awful?

Should he take her to the clinic?

Should he carry her all the way to clinic?

Should he take her home instead?

Should he give her more food? More water? More clothes?

….

What about their child?'

Was their child still inside her?

Was their child still safe?

…..

Was the abortion already done?

Did the fucking abortionist take their child's life?

Did she really do it?

….

Where was his child right now?

…

Was their child still alive?

…

Too many questions already formed inside his head, questions over so many questions, as he was still staring at her. At the same time he was looking for a right word to say but ended up in a speechless, no voice at all, numbing his own muscles.

"Oi, are you still there General? Roy?" Havoc said, snapping his own fingers right on Roy's eyes to wake him up.

"Wha… what?" Roy stuttered.

"Are you really sure General Mustang that you are okay?" Fuery asked.

"Of… of course… I am…" Roy stuttered again. Then right away without waiting for the clock to tick its second, he bounced the question to his lieutenant. "Are you, Riza?"

Riza finally lifted her beautiful gaze to look at him, placing her stare right on his eyes and it sent shiver to Roy's spinal cord, shaking his bones. "What?"

Roy gulped damn so long, swallowing every saliva in his throat. "I am asking if you are okay?" Trying to look at her straight on her bright eyes, that brightening his own world.

"Yes, I am okay. Why do you ask?" Riza said.

"Because I think you are not okay." Roy said softly. His lieutenant expression was so plain, so unreadable, so blank, and he fucking hated it. "Should we talk? No, what I mean is that we need to talk." He really hated when he could not get any access to her thoughts, every time he tried to read her.

"Yes, you are right we need to talk." Riza agreed.

'Oh god, thank goodness. I thought she would start ignoring me, or worst she would never try to talk to me, and it pain me to death.' Roy blew, taking a deep breath with too much relief. "So we better talk alone together, let's go." He tried to touch her hand to guide her to stand up but pain shot him right on his heart when she refused his hand, refusing to meet his touch.

Gasping.

Gapping.

Astonishing.

Paining to death.

Hurt.

"We better talk right now, in front of all of us." Riza suggested.

"But…" Roy started.

"We have so many things to talk about, and we need to talk right now." Riza added.

"We need to talk alone, Riza…" Roy argued.

"LIEUTENANT Colonel Riza Hawkeye." Riza immediately corrected.

Oh shit!

Right. He already forgot that they were not alone.

"We need to talk alone, Lieutenant Hawkeye." Roy said, repeating and correcting his words.

"We must talk right now. So answer me General Mustang, what are your valid reasons for not reading or not even touching any single piece of your paperworks, or for refusing the meetings with the other officials, or for not talking with Major General Alfredo Ernesto. He wants you to be the partner of his daughter for his upcoming party for successfully surviving from cancer..."

WHAT?

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What the heck!

Roy shook his head rapidly, "Wait… just please wait… listen, I am not talking about those stupid crap. Who cares about those by the way?" He tried to touch her again but this time Riza let him. Oh god, she felt so good, so soft and smooth. She let him touch her, so he took this big opportunity to start feeling her, caressing her skin with his warm hand. The feel of her smooth skin was so damn deliciously beautiful, so addicted. It gave him so much hunger, desire and lust toward her. He fuckingly wanted to go home and devour her whole until she could no longer had her strength to stand up. "What I want to talk about is us, about…"

Fuery, Breda and Havoc just sat there, shutting their mouths tight while watching them, exchanging their gazes between the two.

'What the heck is happening here?' Breda thought.

'Ooooh! Are they in a relationship? Not just as superior and his subordinate relationship but as a lover? Ooooooh! Just like what I thought.' Fuery thought.

'Damn, I really hate watching this kind of scene.' Havoc thought.

Riza stood promptly up from her chair, shrugging her superior's tight touch. "You should eat your lunch because you are just hungry that's why you are out of your head to think." Then she sweetly took her steps and left without looking back, and without sparing any glance toward her superior, who was now overwhelmed by shock, hurt and most of all fear.

"Captain Havoc, I was looking for you but you are already here." Major Vato Falman said, suddenly reappearing from the scene. "Where's lieutenant colonel Hawkeye going?"

"Don't even try to ask." Havoc whispered.

"Why? Am I missing something while I was not around?" Vato whispered back.

"Oh come on, don't state the obvious." Havoc whispered.

* * *

 **CONTINUED.**

* * *

Disappearance of Love


	4. Hurt and Angry

**Disappearance**

 _By: MrPrinceLoveCook / proudOtaku_

* * *

 _Disappearance of Love_

* * *

 **CHAPTER FOUR. HURT AND ANGRY**

* * *

"Here, you need to read this." Riza commanded, putting so many paperworks in front of her superior, right on his office table. "You better review this before you sign, this one and this one…"

Roy just looked at her, kept staring at her without even looking at the stupid paperworks. 'Damn, who cares about those papers!'

What he wanted was to find out if she was okay or not.

If she was healthy or not.

If she wanted to rest or not.

If she wanted to work or not.

If she needed anything or not.

….

If she was angry or not.

If she was disappointed or not.

If she was sad or not.

If she was hurt or not.

….

If she still cared for him or not.

If she wanted to be with him or not.

If she still loved him or not.

….

If she already aborted their child or not.

If no, please let it no, just no… then, they needed to discuss more about their future, their life in the near future together with their child, on how to handle everything, or on how to maintain his image when he wanted to get both thrones, being the Fuhrer of this country and being a father for their child or being her husband, not these fucking papers.

If yes, that she had aborted their child, then… god… oh god… no… no… just no… then, they better needed to talk, to comfort her that everything was okay, or it would be okay, to assure her that the blame was not her, it was his, and to tell her that no matter what had happened he still loved her. So damn loved her. She would still remain the woman he had ever loved.

If yes, then she might be started to loathe him, to despise him, to hate him, that her love for him was slowly dying.

Roy gripped his right hand into a tight fist, gulping hardly. He was still staring at her like she was the most beautiful statue, a priceless masterpiece in a luxury museum.

Riza sat back on her own chair when she had done rearranging her superior's paperworks.

Fuck! If she hated him. That was still all right. He did not fucking care at all. He still loved her, so damn fucking loved her, so he would just love her enough for the both of them.

Love or No Love.

He would get her love back. He would definitely work to get back her love.

"Second lieutenant Fuery, have you already bought the machine I told you to get?" Roy said unexpectedly, startling Fuery into full bafflement.

"What, General Mustang?" Fuery asked, so confused.

"The machine we need. By it all means, do you forget to buy it?" Roy said, raising one of his eyebrows.

"But you haven't…"

"Why don't you buy it now..." Roy snapped, staring annoyingly at Fuery in a way of YOU BETTER LEAVE NOW AND DON'T BARK!

"Ah… yes, yes… you are right General Mustang." Fuery stuttered, standing up right away then left without second thought.

'What the!' Havoc thought.

'Oi oi.' Breda thought.

Major Vato Falman just gapped, opening his mouth widely long.

"Major Falman, have you already talked with Brigadier General Armstrong? As far as I know, he wants to talk with you." Roy said, shifting his gaze to look at the gapping Major.

"Really?" Vato confirmed. "But yesterday, I talked to him on the phone but he did not say anything at all."

"That's yesterday not today!" Roy rankled, dismissing Vato with his SHUT UP AND GO WITH THE FUCKING FLOW OR I WILL TOAST YOUR BALLS! "I suggest you to meet with him and talk."

"Ah… well… yes… that's a great idea General Mustang." Vato agreed, then just like Major Fuery he also stood up from his chair and left.

'I think, I already know what's happening here.' Breda thought.

'So, who's going to be next? Me or Captain Breda?' Havoc thought, looking at Breda in the corner of his eye.

"Captain Breda…" Roy began.

'Oh, it's not me but Breda.' Havoc thought.

But before Roy could point out his next command, Breda stood instantaneously from his chair and said. "Sergeant Samantha wants to see me, so why don't I go and see her, right General Mustang?"

Roy's lips curved into a satisfying smile, then said. "Yeah, that's right Captain Breda."

"I should go." Breda left, dismissing himself from their office.

'What the heeeell. Who's Sergeant Samantha? Is there a sergeant named Samantha in the headquarters?' Havoc thought.

Roy moved his head to look at the remaining Captain Havoc. His eyebrows met in a way of frown, not actually pleased with Havoc presence or his ignorance.

"Wha… what?" Havoc said, sensing a very bad omen coming from his superior.

Roy just raised his eyebrow, signing Havoc with all his intimidating eyes to LEAVE AND GO TO HELL!

Havoc slightly parted his mouth showing his tongue to Roy just to mock him, responding him with his expression of WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO THREATEN? ME? NO FUCKING WAY! I WILL NOT LEAVE.

FUCK YOU! Roy replied. "I will tell Rebecca that you are flirting with our female staffs, if you keep on insisting to stay. What about that brave Captain?" He said them without sounds, just only his lips moving.

DAMN YOU BASTARD! Havoc signed, pocketing his right hand to grab a cigarette. "I need to smoke. Would you mind me to leave for a while, General Mustang?"

"Well, it sounds better as we don't really want to inhale your dirty smoke." Roy grinned triumphantly, waving his hand to send Havoc outside.

"You are sound so damn gentleman, General Mustang." Havoc mocked.

"Well, I am gentleman as always." Roy smiled, mocking Havoc too with the way he responded.

"Gentleman my ass." Havoc muttered, placing his unlit cigarette between his lips and then left.

Leaving General Roy and Lieutenant Colonel Riza alone.

SILENCE

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'Fuck, say something you damn Roy!' Roy cursed, kept gritting his teeth.

"Well, should I leave too just like what you did to them, obviously dismissing them without even any valid reason?" Riza said, raising her head for a few seconds just to look at him before returning her gaze down to her own table to flip some papers.

"No!" Roy cracked.

Riza lifted her gaze to look at him again. "Then, you better call them back. We have so many unfinished tasks need to be done."

Roy stood up then walked softly, putting a little space between the two of them. "We need to talk Riza. Alone. Only the two of us." Now, he stood right in front of Riza. His actions and expression portrayed how damn worried he was.

"Sir, don't worry I had already done my mission." Riza confirmed. Again, her face was plain, in an absolute clean expression without showing anger, hurt, happiness, so unreadable.

WHAT?

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?

Roy's eyes instantly enlarging in a way of too much shock, terror. He kept shaking his head like he could not believe of what he was hearing. "I am sorry, what?" He said, trying to confirm it because there obviously had been some crazy mistakes.

He was definitely hearing something crazy.

Riza might be referring to some missions that perfectly had been done. Yes, it was the other missions. As you see, in the office there were so many tasks, operations, especially missions that needed to be done immediately.

Roy laughed smoothly for being too damn paranoid. How could his precious Lieutenant Riza aborted their child when in the first place she was against it.

She did not abort his child, or her child, their child.

'So take a deep breath and relax man. Your Riza was referring to other mission, not her own mission of aborting your child.' Roy comforted.

"Just like you tasked me to do about my one month duration mission, I had already got rid of the child inside me. So, it is a mission accomplished, Sir." Riza just said, flipping and flipping some papers, looking and reading some data.

Confirming the death of his unborn child right on the dainty lips of the woman he loved introduced him to death itself. It was when he could actually feel the pain in his chest from hearing it that tore his heart.

But nothing hurt him more than being disappointed by the single woman he thought would never do anything to hurt him. The excessive wrath of pain quickly blew him right directly on his soul. Just like a fire from hell that burnt everything deep inside him, bleeding him to death.

She had actually aborted his child. Why?

"You… you are kidding right? How could you possibly do it when… when you are too damn against it." Roy shuttered, trying to steady his voice when it was still useless. His voice sounded so awful, cracking into numerous short sobs.

Riza breathed a low sigh. "I do it because it was my mission. To be more specific, it was a mission trusted only to me by my superior."

"That's bullshit!" Roy snapped, whacking the table furiously with his palms.

"Don't tell me you are not satisfied with my work and now you are mad?"

"Damn it Riza, I am not mad. I am hurt. Fucking hurt. Mad and hurt. There is a difference!"

"I don't get you…"

"I hate how you act like everything is normal, so fucking fine, that the death of our child is so easy, so much to deal, and all I am doing is to stand here and let you repeatedly hurt me."

"Why are you being like this when you are the one who insisted to get rid of it?"

Was she referring the IT to his child?

IT his CHILD?

Fuming.

Devastated.

Disappointed.

"Get rid of it? Did I really hear you call our child as IT. Oh fucking come on! Our child is not a thing to use that stupid word just to describe him or her."

"We don't know exactly the gender, and as far as I know it is just a blood."

"Damn" Roy fumed, smacking the table again but this time it was so loud and hard, tingling his own skin. Hearing her used the same words he used made him cried in agony beneath his soul. "A child, Riza. Your child. My child. And our child. So don't just call my child as just a blood."

Riza fixed her eyes on Roy's burning eyes, staring at him for a long length hours. Actually, it was just only minutes but Roy felt it like an eternity hour. He did not know what was on her mind right now but the way she looked at him, it was indicating that she was on the verge of hesitation, like she wanted to tell him something but at the same time not wanting to tell him at all.

THE HELL!

So now, she was hesitating to trust him, hesitating to give all her trust, huh?

Great!

Fucking great!

Roy shifted his gaze towards the open windows, casting his sight on the view outside. It seemed somehow fitting that his unwanted child, but now wanted, so badly wanted, was died on this year, on this month. Which the weather was bitterly harsh and cold, and he took a grim satisfaction in how the bleakness mirrored his pain.

It seemed only reasonable that the trees were bare, the air was not pleasant, and the skies a dull grey. He was secretly pleased that East City appeared to be grieving along with him, that the city seemed as dull as he felt.

Shit!

It finally hit him so enormously hard, tormenting his existence, that his precious child was actually gone in a sinful way. All the hopes and dreams that he had for his child, or particularly for them, him, his Riza and his child were all gone in that instant. He had no exact words to describe the pain, the utter despair he felt. It was awful, as though his soul had been ripped out of his body.

SILENCE

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"Where did you put our child when the abortion was done? Did you bury him? Where? Where is the exact place?" Roy uttered softly, destroying the awkward and painful silence.

Riza moved her head to the left just to avoid Roy's eyes. The way he stared at her informing her that he could not actually believe in her, that she did kill an innocent child, that she disappointed him, instead of greeting her in a congratulation for her smooth and perfect mission, she had failed him. She definitely failed him.

Riza did not even talk. She just looked at the horizon like in this moment it was the best thing to do.

"Riza, where is the grave of my child?" Roy asked, then added his affliction. "Did… did you even bury him?"

Riza stirred back her gaze to looked at him. "Roy, I told you, I was one month pregnant, so basically, it did not have to be buried. In fact, it was a blood not yet form. It was about a size of grain rice…"

"I don't care!" Roy howled. "I fucking don't care!"

"Roy…"

"You should bury him… I want… I need him to be buried, to have his own grave, for recognition that my beautiful child had existed. I could not bear the idea that my child left with no impression on this world."

He wanted to hold his child with his arms, but all he did right now was to use all his imagination just to hold his child, holding it, and wept, and clutched the imagination child in the air.

The grief he felt was unlike any other form of grief. It was different because there were no happy memories to sustain his child, no sense of his child was and what his child actually meant for him. Instead the death of his child left a big hole in his life. It was unbearable pain that kept on torturing him.

Roy left grasping at something permanently just out of reach, that might had been, that should had been, that was not.

And no one told him how to deal with that grief. Yes, Riza was with him but he felt like she was too far away from him. She did not tell him how to react when he suddenly found himself sitting on his own office chair, when about a minutes ago he was standing in front of her.

SILENCE

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SILENCE

SHIT!

S

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!

Silence again coming from her.

Great.

Just great.

Why did she keep on shutting herself from him?

She must say something, must do something, not closing herself from him.

"You must think right now why the hell I keep saying these kind of stuff when I am the one to be blamed, right? Because I am the one who insisted on aborting our child." Roy admitted. "But oh come on, at that time I was so fucking surprised, so confused, so damn scared to face the outcome, so bullshit to think that I was not ready… when I am too fucking ready. You should consider that at that time I was in the process of great shock, then it would soon leave me before you jumping to abort our child. You know it hurts me but you do it anyway."

"You feel hurt?" Riza said. Damn, she even sounded surprised.

Was it really that surprising to find out that he was hurt? Extremely hurt because he just found out that his one month unborn child was gone.

"I could not believe that you did actually ask me." Roy mumbled, laughing so damn devastatingly. "It hurts because it matters. So yeah, I am fucking hurt. And don't act like you care. Because if you do, you wouldn't have done what you did."

"Did you even consider that word hurt when you decided to command me to murder my own child?"

That made Roy completely stopped from his rampant.

Shock.

Astonishing.

Gasping.

"Did you even know how it hurts me to find out that you wanted to get rid of our child like it was so simple, like our child is like a disease needed to be get rid off immediately." Riza grieved.

'Dammit!' Roy thought.

"Now, there's nothing inside me… no child growing inside, so empty… it has only a gaping hole that hard to shut. So, don't talk about hurt when I feel it more than what you feel."

'Shit!' Roy cursed. He really wanted to say something, even a small pieces of word just to reassure her that even though the pain was still intact, he could still move his muscle, his damn ass.

"Yes, you are right. I should not blame you… I should blame myself because the faults are all mine, that's why it hurt me more than death itself."

"Then why did you do it?" Roy mourned. Yes, oh god, thank goodness, he could finally speak his voice. "Please don't lie and tell me again it is your mission coming from your superior…"

"Because I love you, that's all."

Roy's being suddenly sucked by great astonishment. Surprising him to shut, it hurt. His eyes growing even big, his inside turned upside down, his mouth gapping so widely long.

Shock.

Astound.

Dumbfounded.

Shaking.

Overwhelmed.

Yes, he felt so damn overwhelmed by her confession. Yeah, yeah right, he knew that in this moment, it was not the right time to feel overwhelmed, but oh god, he could not control himself because this was the first time he heard her say those three beautiful word. I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU!

Damn, how long he waited for her to say those words.

Yes, when they started to have in a secret relationship, he was doubting her if she did love him because he was the one who kept on saying those words but now… fuck!

Was it stupid to admit he was now flying for too much happiness?

Was it heartless to say he felt so damn bliss, that he was now in the seven heaven, when he had just found out at the moment of her great revelation that his child had gone forever?

"Your ambition is also mine. Your goals, plans and strategies are also mine, even your image and future. Everything about you is mine. So, how could I possibly not get rid of something… no… not just something but my own flesh when it would danger your image. The image you try so hard to gain, and worst not just your image but you as a whole. It will ruin you… it will ruin us forever."

Roy felt so damn devastated while he was staring at her, kept bearing the anguish emotions she conveyed. He could not even take his eyes away from her though it slowly killed him.

"It hurts… but it will become too much hurt when you suffer, when you don't get the ambition or the future you want for this country… and I could not bear to see you suffering."

Roy cursed beneath his voice because he did not know what to react. This kind of conversation was not he expected. Fuck. Damn. He did not expect this. He expected something different.

"Do you still remember my vow? That no matter what happen, I will follow you even in the deepest of hell."

What should he suppose to say in this kind of situation?

Should he tell her that it was now okay, though it was actually not?

Should he say that they should forget everything and start all over again? Forgetting all about their unborn child?

Damn. No!

It would be immoral to quickly move on and forget the memory of their child.

Yes, he was a murderer, murdering many Ishvalans but it would be so insanely stupid to act like everything was fine when the reality struck him that he came back as a murderer but this time he murdered his own blood.

So for this time, just for this time for the sake of his conscience and the soul of his child, he must act like a man and mourn his child's death, not moving on so quickly and felt the blessings and happiness knowing the woman of his life loved him too. Loving him so much to sacrifice everything.

Now, he was being doubtful for his own capability.

Dammit, how could he possibly save those oppress and helpless people in this country if he could not even save his innocent child?

He was aiming for the greatest position in Amestris but he could not even save his own child? Damn, that was funny.

VERY FUCKING FUNNY!

"You need to go home." Roy said, rounding his chair to look at the view outside using the open windows, facing her back. "I think, you are too tired to work for today, so you better go home and rest."

SILENCE

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Silence consumed the sound all around them.

"Just go home Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye. That's my command." Roy commanded, still looking outside not facing her. He did not want to look at her because he might change all his mind, and ending up kissing her all over.

You know, one week was too much for him to miss her so badly and hungrily. He needed her, not just for his life but for his lust and sexual desire.

Roy waited for her to talk but he just heard a soft commotions behind his back, right directly to where Riza seated, before he finally heard the door clicked opened then closed.

She left.

His beautiful lieutenant left without any single word.

Unable to speak, he rounded his chair back where it originally positioned, then fumbled his way to Riza's table. He sat himself down to her chair, placing his head to the table, inhaling and sniffing her lustful scent.

Then he screamed.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

He screamed to the tip of his voice, down to his lungs and deep inside his heart.

Sometimes a good scream was just what he needed to release all the pain he had built up inside.

He had been so strong for so long, and now he just needed time to be alone and let his tears and voice out.

DAMN!

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!

Roy cursed. He regretted it. Regretting to kill his innocent child. Regretting it!

If he could possibly turn back the time, he would never think even in just a second to accept his child. He would raise his child. He would fight for his child. He would be proud of giving his name to his child. He would spoil his child by giving everything. He would bombard his child with all the love in this world. He would introduce his child to the entire Amestris, to all over the world. Even it would destroy his dream.

If he could possibly turn back the time, he would ask Riza to marry him, creating their own family together with their child, him as a father and her as a mother.

If he could possibly turn back the time, he would never even mind people from judging and destroying him. He would not mind them at all, who the fuck were they to destroy his happiness, when one of his happiness was to create a family together with his Lieutenant. He would not mind people, anyone of them. There might be a few people who would still believe in him. His subordinates. His child. And Riza were all he needed. They would be enough to start all over again, and start gaining his name and reputation.

If he could possibly turn back the time, he would wipe away her tears.

If he could possibly turn back the time, he would not hurt her because it hurt him more than what she had felt.

If he could possibly turn back the time, he would never decide to kill his child.

How the fuck had he bore to kill his child?

His innocent child was still a fetus inside his mother womb. But he just killed him.

He could not believe that he took the life of an innocent child to make himself look better. How he wish he had the courage to face the reality and to have said yes to Riza, that he wanted to be a father because he wanted his child.

Damn, he did not even know the gender of his child, whether his child was a beautiful girl or a handsome boy.

He wondered what his child would look like. It would be lovely if his child would look like his beautiful Riza, but he would be too damn proud if his child would look like him. Would his child have his eyes, nose, mouth, lips or the color of his hair?

He wondered what his child laugh would sound like, or his child cry or even the voice.

He wondered what it would feel like to touch his child, embrace and hold.

He wondered what it would feel like to be a proud father.

He wondered what it would feel like to see his child.

He wondered what his child would feel when he or she saw him.

He wondered what would be his child's name was, when it turned out that his child was a girl.

He wondered what would be his child's name was, when it turned out that his child was a boy.

He would never be able to hold his child or kiss his child good night, or greet his child a good morning, or happy birthday, happy Halloween and many more holiday's greetings.

He would never be able to see his child, his baby from turning into a kid, teenager or adult.

He would never be able to say sorry and goodbye.

These thoughts tore him apart over and over again.

Though his child did not exist anymore, his child's brief existence in his mind, heart and soul changed his life forever.

How damn he wish to go back in time and change his own mind. He would hold his newborn child in his arms and never let go.

Aside from being drowned and overwhelmed by his woman's love and the pain and regret of losing a child. All this time, he did not feel sad or depressed or disconnected. He felt really, so freaking really angry.

Angry with people who were proudly named themselves as father.

Angry with people who had not decided to murder their kids.

Angry with people who had decided to murder their kids.

Angry with people whose babies had not been stillborn.

Angry with people who had children because he wanted his child to be alive.

Angry with the abortionist who had never hesitated to take his child away from him.

Angry with women who were pregnant because his lieutenant used to be like them.

Angry with his subordinate Havoc because he was fucking enjoying the pregnancy of his wife Rebecca, and Roy envied him so damn much.

Angry because no matter how he convinced himself that it was okay, that it was a good decision… he still felt so regretful.

Angry because he was bullshit who tried to get away from a responsibility that he just made.

Angry… he was fucking angry to himself.

Fucking angry to himself because he could not even defend or save the life of his child.

Insanely angry because he was fucking selfish, so damn selfish enough to choose his ambition than his own child.

Damn. Damn. Damn.

D

A

M

N

!

His anger was so freaking extreme that all he could do was to grip his hands into tight fists, preventing his might not to turn everything into ashes just to expel his anger out.

But of all the loathe he felt.

He felt too fucking angry with himself because he created this kind of decision that absolutely killed him, not just ruining his life but also his Riza's life. His beautiful lieutenant.

Angry to make her feel so bad.

Angry to realize that he just cared for himself while she always cared for him.

Angry to blame herself though she did not do anything wrong. All the fault were to be blamed to him, not her.

Angry because he made her suffer.

Angry because he made her cry.

Angry because his fucking decision tore her heart.

Angry because in this moment, he wanted to go home and hug her so tight, devour her, and made love all day and all night long just to forget all the pain, though he decided to give her this whole day to have rest.

* * *

 **CONTINUED.**

* * *

Disappearance of Honesty


	5. Hug and Safety

Disappearance

By .LoveCook / proudOtaku

Disappearance of Honesty

CHAPTER FIVE. HUG AND SAFETY

Lieutenant Colonel Riza woke up in the complete brightness of the sunlight to find out that she was not alone anymore. Strong arms were coming around, wrapping and caging her softly but tightly, and she recognized instantly her boyfriend Roy's fresh scent and warmth.

General Roy Mustang unconsciously tangled his arms around her waist, covering her back completely by his own bare body, then pulling her so damn closed against him.

No matter how tight the way he hugged her, she did not mind him at all. It did not matter. Because what actually mattered right now was his protective hug that conveyed his message that he wanted to shelter her.

In his arms she felt so safe and comfortable.

In his arms she had no worries, no troubles, and no fears.

In his arms it was just a peaceful and calm feeling.

In his arms it was warming her heart, giving her security, providing her a shelter and welcoming her home.

Love.

Acceptance.

Respect.

Support.

Treasure.

To be desired.

Security.

Passion.

She felt them all when she was in his arms.

Riza slowly turned around to look at him, moving cautiously just to prevent him from waking up. In the past few days, there were so many unexpected things that happened, so many that made them bleed and suffer, so many that nearly tore them apart, so she wanted him to take this opportunity to forget everything for a while and rest, just for few minutes or even an hour.

The light coming from the sun displaying Roy's features. His amazing features that best fitted for the position of Fuhrer. His black hair tousled, beads of sweat glistening on his forehead, his eyes shut tightly with his long eyelashes, his nostrils flaring slightly, his mouth parted slightly for snores, matching his slow inhale and exhale breathing rhythm on his firm chest, and his lips softer than the softest thing she could think of.

She just kept watching him while he was in a long deep slumber for a quite couple of minutes before she decided to move and snuggle up against him. Her soft chest met his firm chest, her heartbeat quickly catching up to his, as if their bodies reacted simultaneously to their warm touched.

She lifted her hand to trace Roy's forehead down to his lips using her long finger, then pinching his cheeks and then to his nose hardly just for entertainment. She just retrieved her fingers when she saw him slowly opening his eyes, like a baby opening his eyes for the first time. A warm smile placed on his mouth when he saw her, brightening his handsome face, and with his gorgeous dark eyes worriedly staring back at her.

Roy bent down to touch her lips with his, their lips met at the slightest and softest touch, then they parted. "Good morning, beautiful."

"Good morning to yourself." Riza said, engulfing by her devotion and passion for him, that she did not even realize his lips moving.

SILENCE

S

I

L

E

N

C

E

SILENCE, the silence stayed for about a few minutes.

Roy just hugged her, clasping and caging her body with all his arms and protection. While Riza placed her head right on his heart, listening to his heartbeats. She really loved it when his callous arms all around her. She felt melting every time his arms found its way to her body.

She could not help herself but to close her eyes, the noise in the room stopped, all she could hear was the pounding of beat in his heart. She just let go of everything for a while, consuming by the perfect feeling of being in his arms.

Roy just moved his eyes, looking at between her two beautiful eyes. "Have you eaten your dinner last night?"

"Well, yes." Riza said, staring back at him while kept exchanging her gaze between his eyes too.

"I had been debating last night whether or not to let you keep sleeping." Roy said, starting to stroke her waist so lovingly. "I decided you might want dinner. Well, I just happened to buy your favorite food."

"How sweet of yours to buy me but thank you by the way."

"I put it on the fridge if in case you want to dig in." Roy said, caressing and rubbing her waist.

"When did you get home?" Riza asked, raising her hand and began playing with his hair lightly.

He fucking loved it when she played with his hair.

"Around twelve or something. You know, lot of works in headquarter as usual." Roy replied. His hands rolled out to grab her hands and intertwine his fingers with hers. "Riza listen…" He was about to say something again but she just stopped him.

"Roy, not now. Please not now, just not now." Riza said, placing her head back to his heart, wrapping her arms around him, embracing him too.

Roy just nodded, planting kisses on her forehead. He could not actually describe the feeling of completeness or the instant eternity when he put his arms around her and she mirrored him by putting her dainty arms around him. He would love to stop the time so he could relish that moment for eternity.

It was like the biggest pleasure he had ever felt in his life. It was not exaggerating feeling but it was just so unbearable, so unexplainable. And with every hug the next one became even more special.

The feeling he felt right now, right at this moment even he took him million or even billion of years, he would still not give him half enough time to describe it.

It just too perfect, too bliss that brought tremendous amount of satisfaction when he had his woman, the woman he loved in his strong arms.

No other thoughts mattered to him right at this moment other than to drown her with all his love and protection.

He felt so damn good, relax and felt so light on his feet, all over his body when he pulled her closer against him, holding and drawing her even tighter.

There was no other greater pleasure than holding her, inhaling and breathing her intoxicated smell, feeling and mimicking her fast beating heart against him.

Amazing.

Beautiful.

Awesome.

Lustful.

Heaven.

Desireful.

Feeling of being blissfully complete.

He felt like his body released an greedy hormone that got him more attached and so addicted to her.

He did not actually believe in love, true love, soul-mate or being too lovesick puppy just to get or even closer to someone. But now he had believed, all the things people had said about love were definitely true because he felt them too. He felt them first hand. When he first met her, he honestly had no idea that she would be this important to him.

Oh god, how he damn wished to hear her saying those three beautiful lustful words again. He was craving for those words, waiting and looking forward to hear them again. But actually, it was still okay. Damn okay and kinky because she had already proved them every single day, by not doing a single thing, except being here in the morning. He got to wake up with her, right on her arms, in her body every morning and that was already enough. That was all she had to do and his day was already going to be smoothly fine and damn complete.

She was all his, that was all he needed.

He would fight to protect her, cared for her, and loved her.

Sometimes it was better to put love into hugs than to put it into words.

They laid there for a while longer, loving the sensation they felt for each other.

"It feels so good when you are in my arms." Roy said, breaking the perfectly warmth silence. He was carefully stroking her back with his right hand, and continuously pecking her on the cheeks and watching her blushed.

It always led to too much more intimate contact when he was lying like this beside her because he felt really damn aroused by cuddling. Her gentle cuddling could even make him climax.

Riza was about to open her mouth to comment but the wave of nausea tackled her from behind, sneaking up from out of nowhere and sending the world on a wonky-spin that had her throwing out a hand to catch her mouth.

Morning sickness.

Gosh, she totally forgot her morning sickness because of Roy.

Oh no, she was going to throw up, yes definitely, right at this moment, and right at this place, in their bed.

Roy looked down at her, sensing her movement. "Are you okay?"

Riza just nodded her head, trying so hard to pretend okay when it was absolutely not okay. As nausea hit her again, this time it made her felt so miserable. It came in sudden, unpredictable waves for her.

With a frantic glance over her shoulder, right directly to the bathroom. 'Yes, I will make into the bathroom if I go quickly now.' Riza thought. With a very quick surge, she brushed Roy's tight embrace, rolled over him, and got off the bed.

Roy raised his eyebrows, frowning to indicate he was confused. He felt so terrible, disappointed when her addicted warmth left his skin, and her delicious scent left his nose. "Where are you going?"

Riza replied. "In the bathroom. Nature calls." She was still holding her mouth, trying not to throw up.

"Okay." Roy smiled lovingly, then nodded and eased on to his other side.

Riza hurried across the carpet, without waiting for a clock to move its hand, rushing forward and beelining right into their peach marble bathroom. She threw open the door and went immediately inside. She then extended her hand to the tub and opening the faucet, making the water flow for how long it would take just to conceal her own noise.

She nearly caught her chin as she popped the toilet lid open and gave into the dry heaves.

Coughing.

Vomiting.

But nothing came up.

She waited for a little longer to see if her stomach was going to cramp up again, when there was nothing really came up, she sat back and sagged into the cool wall.

She had been suffering for this kind of routine every single day, and there was no exact time when nausea attacked her. It would just hit her all of the sudden. Actually, her morning sickness started few days ago, and it still felt terrible.

Morniing sickness.

Oh great!

Just what she needed right now.

She had to leave the bathroom sooner, quickly, because Roy might come to notice that it took her so freaking long just for a little nature calls, excretion, and she was not sure how to come up with another excuse when nausea hit her again.

Taking a deep breath, she thought about what had happened yesterday. About all the dishonest things she made just to protect her superior, her boyfriend, her Roy's image and reputation. Yes, it was a stupid and terrible idea but that was the only thought she knew just to protect and save him.

She knew that it hurt him too much, but nothing could be so much painful, slowly killing him and hurting him even more when the image he tried so hard to gain would destroy and lead to a great vain.

Assumptions that,

When her unwanted pregnancy suddenly spread all over the country, there was no doubt that people would start hating him, start distrusting and doubting him until it would affect and damage his image and reputation, and it would absolutely destroy him.

When the military found out too, they would definitely make an assumptions just to destroy him. Basically, not all in the military, especially the higher ups supported him, some of them hated him, hated his ruling, so they might use that opportunity to destroy everything he had tried to regain.

When his dream would destroy. Everything in him destroyed. He was destroy. She was destroy. No one could ever save them. She hated it. Could not even bear to think about it.

It was not definitely the best idea to tell a lie, to be a dishonest subordinate, for hiding her pregnancy from him, but she had never felt regretful, never even regret it.

In addition, it was absolutely a disrespectful and immoral act to ignore and not to do what her superior's order but, oh come on, yes she was a murderer, murdering so many Ishvalans before but murdering an innocent child was so unbearable to do, not to mention, it was her child, her Roy's child.

She could not think the idea of aborting her child. Murdering her child had never ever cross in her mind.

Never.

Putting her knees up, She balanced her arms on them and let her fingers dangle. Breathing slowly and evenly, she placed her hand above her abdomen. "Roy, your father, is just too scared to lose everything… so please… please… forgive him. Forgive us."

She gave things another couple of minutes to percolate, then she got to her feet and flushed the toilet for show. Then she stepped to wash her face off with cold water, cleaned her mouth out and waited a little longer.

She was startled, when the door slowly creaked open, seeing it on the mirror that reflected her and the door behind her. She immediately stopped for what she was doing, and then turned around.

"I got so worried because you didn't response or even say anything when I tried to call you and knock on your door many times, so I check on you." Roy said, poking his head on the door.

"I am sorry… I am just thinking so I didn't hear you…" Riza replied.

"Are you really okay?" Roy asked worriedly.

"Yes. I am okay." Riza said, giving her okay smile just to reassure him.

"Let me see it to myself." Roy said, dashing immediately toward her, checking and examining her if she was actually okay.

"See, I am totally okay." Riza said. "Should you take your bath first or eat breakfast? You see, we need to move our asses because there are still so many works waiting for our attention in the headquarter."

Roy slipped his arms on her, tugging her waist and hugging her from behind. "Let's just stay like this for a while. Do you know that one week without you is too much to endure? It was fucking hell and now that you are back in my arms, I want to keep you in myself for a bit longer." He did not know or not fucking understand but he started to fear that letting her out of his embrace would somehow meant she would leave him.

His ego kept giving him a warning that she would leave him. He tried to fight for it but at the end he much rather stay with her right where he was. To stay connected, deep commitment, not wanting to be apart and never let her go.

Never!

Riza nodded, placing her hands on his arms. Her lips curving into a satisfying smile when their reflection on the mirror caught her eyes. She was beginning to love the beautiful image she saw.

Well Roy could not bring himself to care about his works or the world itself when his world was on his arms right now. He felt so damn paranoid, worrying too damn much a while ago when she was alone in this crowd place. But now that they were together, she was with him, he finally felt the calmness, comfortable and satisfied like he was now perfectly complete.

He just kept on hugging her to show the overwhelming love he felt but could not find the words to say them out loud. Hugging her was the only thing to say, worth a thousand of words, and like a bandage to deep wound in his heart.

He just wanted the time to stop.

No thinking.

No worries.

Nothing on mind.

Everything was just nothing.

Except her.

For a couple of seconds, well not actually second but minutes but they felt like the time was so fast for them, they just wrapped each other bodies, right inside their bathroom, watching and loving their perfect reflection on the mirror.

They both intertwined themselves as tightly as they possibly could, squeezing out every last drop of air separating them, that almost bordered on a fear of letting go.

Roy finally let her go, lifting his hands and put them on her slim shoulders, turning her around so carefully. Then he just looked at her, his dark eyes shifting back and forth, his black hair plastered around his face. The way he looked at her shown his deep love, security, care and personal kinship.

Staring at each other meant for deep connection of the soul. Their connection was strong and likely unshakeable.

"I'm really sorry." Roy began.

"About what?" Riza asked, though she already knew the reason behind his apology.

"About everything… sorry for everything." Roy muttered. "For being so shit. For not being your perfect boyfriend when you are too perfect for me. For being your so damn selfish boyfriend who only cares for himself. For being so coward. For being so pathetic. For being like this. For not being with you all the time. For not trying to know what you feel. For not listening. For not understanding you. For making you do what you don't want. For making you feel so bad. For your pain. For your tears. For abandoning you. For refusing my responsibility. For our child."

"You don't have to…"

"Riza, I need to apology because you deserve it."

"It was my mission so I must do it anyway…"

"My responsibility Riza but I immediately refused it by making you do it."

Riza sighed, "If you want to insist then I don't really have any choice…"

"You have a choice, all you have to do is to decline me and say what you wanted to say."

"Apology accepted, that's what I wanted to say."

"Riza, I feel so damn terrible of what just happened. I want you to know that I don't blame you… you didn't do wrong, so please don't blame yourself, the faults are on mine." Roy said, began rubbing her back to remind her just how much he truly cared and how much he meant every word he had said.

"Roy…"

"I was too damn coward, too scared… kept frightening by the idea that I might lose everything… even the name I am trying to regain and maintain. You know it, right? Because you know me more than I know myself."

Riza nodded. She kept staring at his eyes, looking forward too desperate to the comfort he was providing her.

"I don't want to end things like that. I don't want to hear our child's death… the pain is still here in deep inside… because I still want our child… I want our child to be alive…" Roy grieved, then suddenly he added. "… the pain of losing our child is indescribable, it was mixed feelings of hurt, grief, regret, quilt and sadness… but somehow… I found peace. Right now, all I feel is a huge relief… but please don't get me wrong… I love our child… and sometimes I wonder if our child had been a boy or a girl. But I have always been at peace with the decision."

Lie!

Yes, he admitted that he came to love neglecting his paperworks in headquarter but he could not possibly neglect the memory of his child. Everything about his child consumed majority of his thoughts. He loved his child even though he had never heard his child laugh or touched his child face. His child had already secured his love and devotion.

When he heard that the mission of aborting his child was accomplished, he felt the immediate guilt and responsibility for his child's death, kept blaming himself.

The absolute relief emotion he expected consumed completely by the unexpected flood emotions of agony and grief. He found so damn difficult to explain what he was going through.

IT IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT FOR BEING COWARD!

Those words kept running through his head several times. He could not even look at any kids that passing him by without tearing up. He even try and went through the denial process of grief just to forget everything and forgive himself.

The devastated emotion he felt, particularly the grief, came in waves. It appeared unexpectedly and quickly swept through his soul. He might have smile to his face, or saying he was fine, or even convinced himself it was true, but just around the corner lurked another waves of sadness.

He kept replaying the memory over and over again, the memory when Riza told him about their child but he just refused her, and it sure drive him insane. If only he had said yes to their child, he would never felt this kind of suffering.

His Lieutenant was trying hard to pretend she was okay though it was obvious that she was not. She kept blaming herself, and he hated it. She expected everything to be as it always was and so he needed to force himself to move along with her.

In a most cases the only thing he could do was to say sorry and move on.

Yes.

He was sad, hurt, angry, mad, disappointed, and still in the process of mourning, but just for her, he would put on a smile and move on. He knew that taking that step would be hard, another harsh reminder that he would never ever hear his child's voice, laugh or feel his child arms around his neck.

It hurt but the pain would leave him right away because his woman was with him.

No matter how far life pushed him down, and no matter how much hurt tore his heart, he could always bounce back as long as his woman was with him.

His woman was enough to replace every pain he had felt.

She was enough for him.

Say sorry and move on!

"I am really sorry Riza, I really mean it."

"Well, it's okay."

Roy shook his head. "No, it is absolutely not. This is why I always mess things up because I say the wrong things… I do the wrong things… I give an order without any thought… and then when I have the chance to do the right thing I just let it go. But I can't do that, not this time."

"So…"

"So, I am saying, I am doing this because… because I feel like I didn't make myself clear enough. Well… listen, I need you okay." Roy said. "Yes, I need you and I am so so so sorry for making your life harder because of that… I need the whole of you Lieutenant Colonel Riza Hawkeye."

Riza frowned, "Yes, you are absolutely needing me, especially today because if I am not around, who will tell you that you need to move and be ready because the clock is still ticking and we will surely be late."

Roy nodded harshly, shaking his head to get her whole attention back. "I need you not to remind me of who I want to be, but to remind me that this is what I want to be, to be with you and right now I am who I am, not what people expect me to be. You make me into this person I have never been before, a person I am proud to be. I thought that I would never be proud of myself but now I am. The same me that I love, you love as well. You know, that is so amazing. This is me the real Roy Mustang, not the fake one just to get their trust, devotion and affection."

Riza brushed Roy's hair away from his face to see him more clearly.

Roy touched her hand and gripped it, putting it to his lips and kiss it so gently. "I need you… I need you not because you are my devoted subordinate or my perfect assistant, or my scary bodyguard. I need you because I just need you. I need you more than anything. I need you to be by my side, to wake up with you, to hug you forever… I need you in my life… and that's enough for me."

Riza just nodded. "Should I shot you right now because I really think that you are stepping off the righteous path by needing a woman like me?" She said mockingly, while smiling so beautifully. She was just trying to ease the tension between them, and Roy could not stop admiring her.

Yes, he already knew that she was not the easiest person to love but he just felt like loving her. As the time flew by it became so damn easy to love her because it became part of him. It kept growing when he had found out that she was willing to give and sacrifice everything just for him.

A woman like his Lieutenant was absolutely hard to find, and he would never even think of letting her go. What he felt for her was deeper than the heart, the mind, the body, and the soul.

She was just to perfect in every way, too perfect in his arms, just too perfect.

"I want to start again with you, to start all over again." Roy said.

"What do you mean?"

"I am not saying this to forget everything and move on… I am saying this for us to let go of what just happened in the past, or to remind us that every sacrifice we did is worth it."

Riza did not say anything for a second, or even moved.

" I know, the death of our child is still damn hard and freaking hurt but I promise you that it will never be in vain. We will continue and try hard to do what we had started." He took so much strength and world of effort to get the words out.

Riza unconsciously touched her abdomen, caressing it softly.

"My rank in the military is the General, and I am one step closer to the position of the Fuhrer." Roy stated, gawking so much board. It hurt his cheeks. "Just one step, only one step and we will be in the throne. I will be a Fuhrer. Isn't that absolutely great?"

"Yes, that's great." Riza agreed, but not in a mood to show she was happy, when she was not actually happy.

He would be the Fuhrer, and the father.

To a child he thought dead.

How could she be happy?

"What's wrong? Are you still sick?" Roy said, cupping her face to look at her in the eyes, looking directly to her soul.

"Nothing… nothing is wrong… everything is fine." Riza uttered. She just hugged him again but this time, she did crush the life out of him. 'Don't ask me what is wrong. Just… please… just please put your arms around me and hug me tight.'

She could not help but to leap into his arms again, fitting herself in his warm touch and passion. Even they would not end up lasting, they would soon leave each other warm, at least her love and devotion would still remain forever, and their physical relationship was good in the meantime.

Roy was taken aback, surprised and shock.

Forsooth, he was not able to hug her back immediately but when he surpassed his shock, he hugged her back.

Actually, he needed this kind of hug, hug not just a quick hug but a long tight hug just to make him feel like he was needed, like he was wanted in this Earth, particularly by her.

"I promise you and the soul of our child that I will get the position of Fuhrer. I will rule this country, save those oppress and clean this country. I will do it no matter what happen and no matter what will it take."

"Okay." Riza said.

"Now, I come to believe that a man's world is his woman, so you need to stay with me because I need my world. I think, I can do anything with you. Just promise me that you will never leave me. You will stay with me… by my side." The look in his eyes told her everything she had ever wanted to hear.

Riza did not say anything, just hugging him tight. 'I'm sorry… I'm sorry…' She closed her eyes, and tears started falling down on her cheeks. She then wiped them away immediately.

"Promise me."

"Okay."

Roy closed his eyes for a moment, nodding satisfyingly when he heard his woman confirmation. He loved her. He definitely knew that he loved her because he did not have to search just to find happiness or work at being happy when he was with her. He felt like nothing was ever wrong if she was by his side, that any time with her was the right time, the perfect time.

Well actually, love was not really the exact word to describe the emotion he felt for her, when what he felt for her was inhuman, so overwhelming and overflowing that sometimes it hurt.

CONTINUED.

Disappearance of Honesty

To Esophagus. Dude I am back? Are you not happy?


End file.
